Friday, July 29, 2005

1st Sem Results

Ok so my first semester results are finally out, well then again it has been out since beginning of the week. But just because i didn't pay my goddamn fees they decided to withheld my results, fucking money faced management. Well anyway i never expected my results to be all nice and beautiful, i was just expecting a pass really considering all the classes i skipped and not to mention the crap work i did for my assignments and projects.

I got 3rd class for 1 subject...that one memang i deserved it one la, as a matter of fact i thought i was gonna fail that module, what i relief when i saw the result. The remaining 2 subject i got 2nd lower for both. Now this one was quite a shocker, hahahaha....And best part is one of the 2 subjects that i got 2nd lower was actually really close to 2nd upper, dammit i hope that after the external moderation of the paper i can get a 2nd upper, eh can't help it la right if i have wishful thinking. hahaha. Well i hope i do alot better this semester, as well as FYP....if i can get my overall to 2nd lower i'll be happy as hell.

Canceled??? Again!!???

I wonder how many times in a week do i have to come to Uni for fucks...this is totally pissing me off, first it was monday (althought that was my fault entirely...just wanna be bitchy lol) and now today, nicely la i didn't get enough sleep last night cause i had to finish hell alotta work because i HAD a mid point meeting for a project. I came early to finish up some last minute work and my group member decides not to come, great i'm screwed i thought. 45 minutes before the meeting i got a call on my cell, number not registered so i thought who the fuck would call me at this hour la. Well it turns out to be my Uni Admin calling to inform me that the class/meeting has been canceled due to the lecturer going off on MC. WTF!!!! I got here at fucking 8.45am, thats 1 hour and a half hour earlier only to find out that i don't have an earlier class which also happens to be my meeting??? Worst my next class only starts at 2.30pm....two fucking thirty PM wei!!!! What in tarnation you want me to do till then, its bad enough that the wifi connection here sucks...fortunately its all nice and smooth now la so better take advantage of it and blog and download stuff that i might need for project reference and what now. I'm pretty sure in about half an hour more the lines would be congested and i won't get to do shit after that.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

We are all selfish

I’ve been wanting to post this entry for quite some time now, but I really just didn’t find the opportunity. But thanks to an entry by FF i thought that now would be some approriate time to put this up. You see my point of view in life is very cynical, guess I haven’t really had much nice things happen to me…well at least lately la anyway (lets no count the notebook). I believe that all man on earth are selfish and will never change (erm man as in the human race yah), and I believe that this is true to a certain extent. This was what I told my sister and what she told me in return manage to shed some light ( although you could consider it a very dim light) into my point of view and how is it that I am wrong. You see there was once a time when my sister used to think as I did. And strangely enough I never thought that would happen cause we have always been very different from each other, and I find it shocking that I may have followed the exact same path that my sister once took some years ago. My sister pointed out that every parent would teach their child to do the right thing to understand and learn how to evaluate the situation and then identify which is right and which is wrong (but I’m quite sure there are some parents who never teach their child at all). Because of that teaching we are able to understand what is right and what is wrong, therefore if you see some blind person crossing a road and there is a car speeding the bang that person down, you will be able to identify the intention of the car and therefore warn (or save) the person that is about to be hit. Why? Well obviously because it is the right thing to do. So logically we are able to process that thought and we know which is the right course of action to take. My sister however was kind enough to enlighten me further by adding that although we know this in our heart and in our mind where we fall short is in the execution phase. That would mean, although we know that we were suppose to shout at the idiot crossing the road with something like ‘Oit get off the fucking road, that car is gonna hit you!!!’, we somehow just stand there and shut the fuck up. So we just kinda fall short in action.

After being told of that example from my sister I went home to think about what she has said and whether it is true or not. After much thought I concluded that it is indeed true, yes I know what to do and I know wrong from right. But doing it is another story all together. Maybe that first example was a bit bad to compare with, I’ll give you another one. If you see a beggar by the roadside will you give him money? I mean you know that is the right thing to do after all there is that saying ‘give and you shall receive’. And inspite of that we still refuse to donate to some beggar for petty reasons like oh what if he goes and buys some drugs with the money I gave him. But how will you ever know that, you definitely won’t. So my conclusion to this is man is indeed born selfish, our conscience may know how to differentiate right from wrong, but failing to execute what we were suppose to do is just as guilty and doesn’t serve as an excuse as to why you didn’t act unselfishly. Here is another example, in the process of courtship both parties will always refrain from giving their all…why? Because they are afraid that they might get hurt in the event that the other person might reject him/her advances. Now tell me isn’t that a very unselfish act. Bearing that in mind, we tend to do in naturally and its not like as if there was a switch that could just turn off or on to say ‘Oh I’ll give it my all this time’ or ‘Hrm, I think I should protect myself from getting hurt’. You see the thing is we can’t because of our own selfish nature. Still not convinced, ok…here is a question that I learnt from watching a crappy show ‘Bulletproof Monk’. There was a picture of a lady and a child on their knees and a man holding an AK-47 assault rifle to their heads about to fire. Now if I were to throw you into that picture whom would you rather be? The one that’s about to do the shooting? Or the one that’s about to be shot? I know which answer i will choose, and i'm sure everyone else would choose the same answer as me.

I continued this discussion with a buddy of mine not too long ago, and i was shocked as to what he had to say. He said that even if you had donated some money to the begger by the side of the road knowing that it is the last bit of money you have and you'd have to walk home after that is still being selfish. Now i bet you're like going WTF right now ain't cha. The reason behind his judgement is this, by donating money you are actually fulfilling a subconscious need inside of you to be satisfied...so therefore you are still thinking of your own needs first. I laughed when i heard that, i mean its true...think about it, you don't give then you feel guilty, but if you give then you get happy because you know you did something good. So either way its kinda like a lose lose situation. But like what he and i both agree that there are maybe a few levels of selfishness, and certain levels are acceptable and even applauded by society. So how do we escape being selfish? Well you can't really, cause even if you went out of your way and be a hermit living in seclusion somewhere in a remote mountain you are still being selfish...not to others, but to yourself....selfish to your own needs.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Erm, random banter???

Ok i was suppose to put up another entry that i have written quite some time ago but it was on my notebook and i never actually found the opportunity to post it up. Since this damn wireless router modem i have is not working i can't exactly transfer files between my desktop to my notebook, so i have to do the old fashion way of using cables, but that would be that i would have to unplug my modem from the world wide web for the sake of transfering file....hrm, don't wanna do that unless absolutely necessary. So i think i'll just leave that post for tomorrow and i'll talk about something else today, hahahaha.

Decided to skip class today since i had sleep late last night, so today at around lunch time i got a surprise call from an old friend of mine that i met during my first year in college. Its really a great thing to meet up with old friends and catch up, and i think its really nice at least. And i have got to say that i'm happy to see him doing well now that he's all graduated and gonna be working soon and all...Damn, we were classmates and he went on ahead and graduated before me, that bastard!!! hahaha. But come to think of it, everyone that was in the same class with me in 1st year have all but graduated already or finishing soon as their in the finals now. Gawd i feel so damn old!!! hahaha. I think there's like only one more person left that i wanna meet from 1st year to catch up with, i've mostly seen the rest already and i think half of the class has already left to their respective home countries/ hometowns. Dammit very nostalgic moment la right now thinking of all those fun times we had during the 1st year, and all the nonsense we used to do especially in class....wahahhaa, ridiculous man we all, like a whole bunch of small kids only. Can't really believe how time flies and now we are all looking for jobs (well those that have graduated la) or finishing up their studies. If i'm not wrong only a handful of us are finishing, 2 hands la more then enough to count those that are still in school. Sigh....what would i give to turn the clock back and go back to those days where we were more carefree and all fun and play.

On another note was reading Kenny Sia's entries and found out about this face thingy to check your bla bla bla....don't wanna get into details and i found it interesting so i gave it a try. Well apparently from the results i'm only like 5% chinese, hahahaha....thats new, well for those of you who don't know i am not 100% chinese la, but i'm sure as hell not 5% as well la....so little meh, if so little i where got looks so ah beng wan!!! lol, some more i got a celebrity match with Jay Chow!!! WTF!!??? I thought i always condemn this fella wan!! hahaha, hrm....oh well it must mean something la right, and something good for that matter, hahaha. Anyways i'll put the results up for you guys to see, hahaha.

Haha, this is damn funny man!!! Wish some of it were true though, lol. Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 25, 2005

Crappy start of the week.

I'm beginning to understand why Garfield hates mondays...as a matter of fact i'm also starting to really hate monday. Exactly one week ago, i was complaining that i had gone to Uni only to discover that class was canceled, my one and only class for the day was canceled!!! Today same thing!!! but actually today is my fault la, hahaha....what to do can't help it mar, being the smart ass that i am, i didn't bother to check changes with the timetable and thought that everything would be the same only to discover that i was dead wrong!!! So another day where i went to Uni paid for the fucking toll and parking and waited like an idiot outside an auditorium that was completely dark with not one classmate in sight. Gosh what a dumbass. Now that i'm awake and did all that running around i can't exactly sleep now can i? Well at least i can do my work since i put it all off during the weekend...why ar??? Cause it was the weekend la then!!!! Fuck man if i gave up everything i think i'd die sooner they you can say FYP.

Great, now i'm hungry too....and at this hour either everyone is at work or sleeping. So who the fuck is gonna accompany me for breakfast like that??? sniff sniff....my poor tummy, i hope my gastric don't come kicking in again. You know i really missed those times when Wimal still had classes, at least then i can eat my favourite nasi lemak which is so damn fucking tiny...but still great as hell nonetheless. Hrm, as a matter of fact its been so long since i ate that that i can't even remember when was the last time already. Argh!!! think i'll just go and steal some instant noodles or something, no point doing work with an empty stomach right!!??? hehehehe. Must go and shek shek shek. Oh and on a note of achievements, today marks one week since i've last played WoW...so there Wimal, thats for doubting me!!! hmph!!! Lol.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Events of the day.

Wow i can't believe i'm doing a double entry when i got so little time on my hands. So anyways lets get this show on the road. Being the dork/geek (whichever you prefer) that i am, i'm naturally a trekkie (something you call star trek fans)...well not a very big one like some other people that i know, but nevertheless still a trekkie la. Now just incase you've not heard, today is a very sad day for all trekkies out there. And for good reasons too, why leh??? Well cause James Montgomery Doohan aka Montgomery Scott or just plain Scotty has passed on. I'll have to say that of all the chief engineers on star trek Scotty has got to be the best la, sorry la Geordi but you have to settle for 2nd place. His ashes will be shot into space just like creator of star trek Gene Roddenberry, wah now that's what you call leaving in a blast man...a blast into space la that is, you know come to think of it i also wouldn't mind getting my remains shot into space when the time comes. Anyway Scotty has brought many memorable memories during his time when he took the role as Scotty in the first seven star trek movies and i'm sure all of the fans (myself included) would love to bid him farewell and may God rest his soul.

Ok on to my 2nd topic of the day, the Sony Ericsson K750i . Mobique has just launched a review on the phone and it has scored an amazing 5 out of 5 stars. The guy was praising the phone left, right, center, up, down, inside, out and whichever other way you can think of. The best part there was a whole page of flaws and problems that was encountered during the testing of the phone so i don't really get why it was rated so highly....bias perhaps? One thing though i'm a supporter of Sony Ericsson products, i think they make one of the best value for money phones out there in the mobile phone industry. Inspite of that i still do feel that just judgement should be handed down on them if there was a problem with the phone la, although i didn't exactly read everything which may lead me to jumping into conclusions but i think it doesn't really deserve a 5 outta 5 la since i've actually read other review on the phone already. But one thing though i really think that the camera is damn fucking gosu (gosu = terrer/good). Check it out if you're interested in investing in a new phone yah i think its really good...i just don't feel that it warrants a 5 outta 5 ok, just to make my point clear.

And finally the 3rd topic of the day...I was having a drink in my Uni caffeteria when i saw this absolutely drop dead gorgeous girl sitting right across me!!! Dammit man i was going insane just looking at her, hahahaha. Too bad she wasn't alone else i'd probably summon all my guts to go over and talk to her...eh i shy wan ok. One thing though she's definately not a student there and she's probably from one of the offices nearby, i guess she came over with a colleague for lunch or something...dammit!!! hahahaha. Anyway so there i was sitting down sipping on my drink and just fixing my eyes unto hers and after like 15 long minutes i was complaining to my classmate that if this carries on any longer i think my head will just burst and i'll go insane or something. So he proceeded to finish his meal in a hurry and suggested we go for a ciggy break...which i eagerly welcomed. Roughly 10 minutes later after finishing our ciggaretes we were walking back into the building when i saw her coming out, and i was like 'oh, oh!!! there she is' so my friend was like 'go walk near her la'...and i was like 'huh??what the fuck for???' then he said 'then you can smell her mar!!!' and then i was like 'WTF!!??? you think i'm some kind of sick pervert ar!!??' (well technically all guys are some kind of sick pervert....to a certain extent la). Sigh i think i'm in love....LOL!!! yeah right!!! Its called infatuation la dumbass!!! *smacks his own head*. Well unfortunately i don't have a Sony Ericsson K750i to secretly take a picture or i'll just post her pic her for the rest of the world to see. Ok ok, gotta get back to work...no slacking!!!

Late Downpour

Due to my busy schedule yesterday i wasn't able to have my dinner till about 11pm. I have this really bad habit that if nobody is available to accompany to have breakfast/lunch/dinner then i'll just not eat, hrm guess that explains why i have gastric problems. Anyways on my way back from KL after picking my dad up from work a buddy of mine called to ask me out for a drink, immediately i thought hey this is good at least now i can have my dinner. So he came to my place to pick me up at around 10.45pm and we went to one of our usual mamak spots which we like to call the malay store. Not more then 30 minutes after we sat down our food and drinks came, as we started chowing down on our meal all of a sudden rain started pouring down. Well rain is a good thing considering how i've complain its been so hot and what not...but the thing is it really started pouring and the wind was blowing really really strong too. In the beginning it was really no big deal, but then the rain and the wind just got heavier and heavier...at that point we were getting wet and i don't really fancy my food getting some rain water in it, so we ate as fast as we could only to get stuck there and endure getting wet.

The coldest ever that i've endured in my life was about -16 celsius and i didn't really think that was a big deal....well cold no doubt about that but nothing i couldn't really handle. What didn't occur to me at that time was whether the temperature was with or without something called 'chill wind factor'. I'll not get into detail about what that all means cause honestly i'm not too sure about it myself. But i'll tell you yesterday with all tha rain and wind i have to tell you it was cold as hell...freezing even, its like i'm in some winter country but wearing shorts and a t-shirt. To make matters worst we couldn't actually get to the car or we'll be drench and that might end up with us catching a cold. Needless to say we got home much later then planned and still relatively dry considering the heavy downpour we faced last night. Despite our ourdeal (cheh like damn fucking drammatic only) it was definately one hell of a night to sleep.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Interseting subject or not?

After many months into my second semester which is also my last semester, i realised that of all the four subjects that i take most of my classmates seem to be more interested in one subject which is networking. I honestly think that this is the case because the lecturer makes the subject interesting. Its funny that of all the classes this is the only class where students actually stay back to bombard the lecturer with all their million and one queries, of course this is a good thing la as education is all about expanding our knowledge and what better way then to clarify any doubts that persists in our minds. Networking in my opinion is a very technical subject, something that i enjoy because i love to find out how things work. Unfortunately i have not excelled in previous networking classes from the first and second year which means my networking background is really weak. So why am i so interested it the subject now? Well actually i'm not really interested in it now, as a matter of fact i've always been interested in the subject...its just that in my first 2 years the lecturer assigned to the respective networking subject was a bore. I remembered that i had to summon all my strength just to get through classes without falling asleep let alone pay attention.

From this you can tell that no matter how interesting a subject is, its not gonna do jack shit if the person up talks as if his/her mother just died. In the end everyone would just say 'Fuck it', and worst people will start to skip classes or start talking in class and this disrupts other peoples concentration (like me...cheh, hehehe). Of course there is also the case where the lecturer is too imposing on his/her students, i really hate it when that happens. I mean fuck, their job is to guide us in matters related to the subject not to dictate us, sometimes i just don't understand some of these people who thinks so highly of themselves coming in to class and telling us so and so and that that is 'the right way'.

Anyways as promised about WoW i have so far been able to withstand all temptations and stayed clear from the game, although it has yet to reach 1 week since i last played but i think i'm making good progress. But like i also said earlier i went in today to check if i was ranked already and the answer is a Yes. So i have finally achieve my first rank in WoW, and i plan to continue progressing up the ladder when i resume playing after all my projects have been completed. On the other hand i haven't actually made ALOT of progress with my projects, i mean got la just not as much as i had hoped...nevermind slow and steady wins the day, hehehe. Hrm, not too slow though or i'm dead...hahaha. And on another note does anyone know whether streamyx has a problem or something, cause my downloads seem to be VERY SLOW and i don't know whats wrong. Well with that said i think its about time for me to get back to work.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Fully Charged and Motivated!!!

I have to say that today was a complete waste of time going to uni, here i was ready to start the week fresh and all motivated to do my work and stuff like that only to find out that my only class for today was canceled!!! Dammit man, i had to pay toll and parking wan ok...wtf!!??? they should reimburse us for causing such an inconvenience. Well nevermind la i get to start doing my work early anyway. As i've mentioned before i will not be playing WoW for a whole month (at least a whole month) until i can complete a large portion of my work and get into a comfortable situation unlike the panic situation that i'm currently in. So i thought to myself if i'm gonna put aside my gaming interest for the sake of my education (which is a good thing i might add) i'd do it with a bang...And what a bang it was, hahahaha.

I decided to try my hand at Battlegrounds, and since i'm the highest lvl of my range group i thought that it would be a piece of cake, and true enough...my first game of battlegrounds ctf (capture the flag) ended with not only my side winning but with me being 2nd top highest killer and also i manage to capture and returned the flag twice out of 3 times. So that makes me like an MVP man, was so happy...And that happened on Saturday. So came Sunday and it was my last day to enter the game and i decided to just spend my time in the game again in battlegrounds. 2 hours inside and already my kills were 88. And by the end of the day i had a whooping total of 169 kills and 2 capture and return flags. That was indeed a bang for me, i just fucking kick ass!!! hahahaha.

I think its really a good thing to leave on a high note like that, at least that way i won't be kicking myself over what a lousy game i played and get tempted to undo my mistakes. Although i'd like to go in on wednesday just to check my rank....promise its just to check rank and not to play. Eh really wan!!! I got strong will power ok!!! hehehehe. No la, but seriously la its just to check you know la some form of reassurance that i've actually finally gained a PvP rank. Cause right now the only thing thats really bugging me about the game is that, so just to appease that i'll just go in a check on wednesday or something. Wow i just realised that this is a completely nonsense entry about my WoW escapades...lol. Ok ok, no more WoW entries for the whole month, or for a very long time for that matter. Mahai i think i'll not post anything about it until like something that makes me really happy and angry or something like that comes along then only i post about it, else i'll just leave it be and brag to my friends...lol.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

If you can do it!!! Then so can i!!!

Oh darn, so fast and the weekend is already coming to an end and that would mean my 1 week break is also comin to an end. You know its really funny that when you're in school you always look forward to the holidays but when it finally arrives you just can't wait for school to start again. Citing boredom as the number one reason as to why you want to go back to school, and finally when in school we will always complain about all the work and shit that we get in school and that we can't wait for the holidays to come. Strange isn't it...goes to show how fickle minded we humans really are. Well as i've been saying in my past few entries for a good week or two i'm running out of time to finish my work, so at this very moment i would definately wish time would stop for an indefinate period so that i could at least complete a substantial amount of work. Nah....not gonna happen, hell i even know what would happen if that wish came true. You see if i knew i had the power to stop time i would just do it and then procrastinate again and again and again and nothing will be accomplished at the end of the day, and when finally all my wishes have been used up i'd still be left out to hang. Not gonna make a fucking difference isn't it? I'd rather just let time go by and make the best out of it. If someone else can do then why can't i right...yeah so thats what i'm gonna do, i'm gonna push myself to the very limits to accomplish what i've been set out to do. Which reminds me of a story, and it goes a little something like this:

2 guys were sitting on a big rock placed next to a stream...smoking and bored as hell they just stared blankly into the pond beneath their feet, when suddenly one of them said...

J: Hey CS...you see the sand at the bottom of the pond?
CS: Yeah...what about it?
J: I'll give you 10 bucks if you would take a handful of that sand and keep it in your mouth for 10 seconds.
CS: Hrm....ok you're on!!!

10 seconds later...

CS: Pui, pui, pui....ok where's my 10 bucks!!!???
J: Fuck you if you can do then so can i!!!

Another 10 seconds later...

J: Pui, pui, pui...ok now we're even!!! hahahaha!!!
CS: WTH!!!??? Like that also can!!

*Note* :- The pond is in a public park and god knows what the hell is in that pond or whats been in there. Bunch of sick bastards!!! hahaha.

But yeah see, if these guys are brain dead enough to put some sand in their mouth not knowing what has been in there to contaminate to water and what not...then i really don't see a problem putting myself out on a lifeline to get this done and over with, because at the end of the day it doesn't matter what i do now but what i have done and achieved.

Friday, July 15, 2005

This has to stop...NOW!!!

This depression that i am going through is really bothering me, and it really has to stop now...I have been thinking about it over and over again what is wrong how do i stop myself from feeling like this, and day after day i am still left with a question mark hanging over my head. Looking on the brightside i know which was the event that triggered this chain on events already although i don't feel like sharing that with the rest of you, hehehe. But i realise that even if i did run away nothing will be solved. You see no matter where you go you're gonna meet people and people are always the same no matter which fancy country you're in you are still gonna find fucked up people there. Yes change of environment can be a good thing, standard of living and bla bla bla....yes i understand that those are positive things that can help you get your momentum once again. But ultimately it isn't really these things that would effect your situation but instead it is the people around you. So the only way to resolve this situation is to look into myself and change what is bothering me from there.

I am doing this simply to finish up my work to get my priorities right, so as of this next week there will no longer be any WoW for me. If in any event i do enter WoW i will delete it from all computers that i have access to, and return the installation disc until i am ready to play it again. There will be no more late night outings on a weekday, i'll just be like Loren go back early and sleep or do work and only 1 day will be allocated to chill out and hang out. Even though i have one month left to finish up my FYP and i haven't dont much i think in this 1 month i will give it everything i have and if the end result isn't good at least i know that i already gave it everything i could give...you know like a do or die kinda thing. I owe at least that much to my mom la, and to help me concentrate more on my work i will also be blogging less often then i used to. Either i'll not post at all or i'll post really short entries la....we'll see la that wan. There were some real friends that help me along the way to where i am now, and i'd simply like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart....you guys know who you are!!! I know without you guys i never would have gotten out of the hole i'm in.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sleepless and Starbucks

Ok so here i am in Starbucks with my trusty 'mistress' (notebook) and i'm bored to death cause the WIFI connection here is so damn fucking slow. Do you notice a strange pattern here??? No matter where i go that has WIFI access for somewhat reason its always damn slow...and if you're wondering no there isn't anybody here that is using the bandwith cept maybe for me. I'm suppose to continue my work from where i left off but i can't really do it properly cause like i said slow connection and this isn't really helping me cause i need to finish this real soon else my other projects are just gonna continue pilling up then i'll be in too deep and without a float, numsayin? I can't really think straight to code now as well cause i haven't slept yet since last night...hey gotta fix that bio clock of mine right? After all classes resume on monday, so why not just fix it now.

This sucks here i am drinking coffee...really sweet coffee and its not helping one bit, then again coffee never really did have any effect on me anyway. Apparently i was told that smokers need to consume more amount of caffeine to get the same effects as say a non smoker. So in other words to keep myself awake with caffeine i'd probably need to drink about like 3 cups la i'm guessing since i'm so damn small and i have good blood circulation (i think). Oh yeah and a high metabollic rate is gonna help as well....i think, hahahaha. I'm just so fucking confused over all this shit right now and i can't be bothered to check to see if what i say is true. So you're probably wondering what the hell am i doing in Starbucks at this hour without sleep when i should probably be in bed....Well my buddy derek is gonna leave later (Friday morning) and he wanted to go have his hair trimmed, so instead of sitting my lazy ass at home and trying to finish up work (which i'd probably just put aside and go sleep) i thought i'd just tag along to keep myself awake.

Right now i'm seriously just hoping that i don't suddenly dose off...some more they playin some jazz and its so damn relaxing that it makes me feel like sleeping, damn them!!! Worst i don't have a pair of headphones, else i could just listen to some mp3s more lively mp3s. But don't misunderstand yah its not that i don't like jazz, as a matter of fact i really like it...But i'm just so tired that its making me fall asleep, which is bad. Hrm i wonder if i dozed off will someone come and take (steal) my notebook away??? hehehe....shit shouldn't be thinking about that, i'll probably kill myself if that happens. After all if that really did happen then how the fuck am i gonna do all my work. Speaking of which i should copy all my work to my half dead desktop when i get home, at least then i'll have a backup which is something that i should have done more frequently. Dammit now i have at least another hour to kill before he finishes cutting his hair...oh yeah i forgot in addition to his hair cut he is also gonna have it colored, so thats gonna take some time isn't it....oh i am so fucked, lol.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

What kind of coffee are you?

Ok i got this from Powerpuff so i thought i'd put up my result here too. Basically its just a quiz to see what kind of coffee you are.

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it

Your caffeine addiction level: high


Hrm, well i think in most cases is true cept that i am not a coffee addict...don't get me wrong i like to go for coffee. But the word addict means i am dependant on it...and just so you know i don't drink coffee everyday and i don't crave for coffee every single day. So how come my coffee addiction here is high!!???

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Midnight surprise

My buddy derek decided that we should go up to Genting last night, so anyway i just got back from up there and i thought i'd talk about the events that unfold up there today...well first of all it was a good thing as i had been hoping a trip up but unfortunately our journey up there was a little late so we only stayed up there for about an hour and a half, well we couldn't do too much anyway since almost everything was closed. The weather up there was great as usual, didn't really expect anything less and it was quite refreshing really (although it didn't really helped my cause la). So anyway we were walking around when we saw this lady possibly in her late 20s walking towards our direction, initially we just thought it was some tourist or something but when we got closer to her she simply asked in mandarin whether we'd 'like to go and play?' Well derek couldn't understand what she was saying and me having seriously crappy mandarin could only afford to say 'don't want'...lol. After that derek was like going hey what the hell did she say? So after explaining to him....he went 'WTF!!! serious shit!!???' After some debating and some laughs over the subject we arrive at First World Hotel to see if anything there was open for us to get a drink. Usually at that hour on a weekday that place would be deserted and dead like a ghost town or something, but i guess because of a newly opened convenience store there were a bunch of people hanging around that area...more tourists, hahaha.

So we made a round the whole place to see if there was anything else opened besides that store, and sadly there was nothing of much interest. We after that decided to just drop in to get ourselves something to drink before we dehydrate and die all shriveled up. As we approach near the store one of the girls hanging around there came up to us to ask (once again) if we'd 'like to play?' politely declining her advances we entered the store quickly to purchase 2 cans of overpriced (RM3.50) 100 plus. What a surprise this trip up there turned out to be, the first time came as a surprise...the second time we were completely off guard and we soon realise that all those bunch of girls hanging around that area must be whores (no offense to you ladies yah)!!! Damn!!! And some of them are really hot too....what a waste, oh well who are we to judge what they're doing? And i bet those 3-4 guys hanging out with them must be their pimps or something. Hrm, i'm just wondering since when this thing started? And how come this never happened before la if it was already there all along? Well not like i'd actually wanna pay them for their 'services' la, but out of curiosity i've been up there so many times and this is the first time this has ever happened. Then when we were on our way down we say this apartment with funky lights like as if it were a brothel or something...its funny as hell cause Genting is like the city of entertainment and now they just expanded their business venture into more explicit forms of 'entertainment' if you know what i mean. It comes as no surprise that there are prostitutes up there but i never ever imagined it would have come to this.

I am guessing its depression.

Recent events in my life has left me very dull lately, as i took the weekend to reflect on what has happened to me i realise that i have lost my usual easy go lucky self. I know that i have been under alot of pressure and stress from school work and also from my surrounding environment. My closest friends are away or not free and i don't want to derail them from their respective day to day activities to listen to my selfish rantings. I am very grateful however that an old friend of mine is back for holidays and he has made time to listen to my 'immature' and 'childish' rants about how life sucks. To be completely honest i think that this has definately got to be the lowest point in my life...this never ending day to day feeling of depression is bugging the hell out of me and its really starting to piss me off. I just can't seem to break free from its grasp no matter how hard i fucking try. And like i've a number of times already in my previous entries it isn't really helping me as i have crucial datelines to meet. I don't want to end up disappointing not only myself but mainly my mom who has worked tremendously hard and away from home just so that she can see me graduate. I'm in dire need of help, help to get out of the current state that i am in and there is no way out that i can think of. Reason is just because i can't seem to find the root of the problem, as hard as i think and as hard as i find i can't seem to find a source. All i know is i need to get out but i can't because time is against me and i just don't know what to do anymore. However i think that there is more then one source that is causing me to be like this i just can't seem to pin point on exactly what it is. Most likely its something from the past that has welled up inside me to boiling point and now it has just suddenly overflowed because i failed to tie things up in the pass.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Lack of Time

And so my the weekend has arrived, but for me its gonna be a long one since i'm on a one week break. As good as it may seem i think i'm gonna be busy as hell since i have a TON of work to complete and i'm practically fucked...Well mostly thanks to all the procrastination that i'm reknowned for la. But i think i'll chill for the weekend first (procrastinate more) and then only get to work. I don't know but recently i've been feeling really fucked, unmotivated to do anything at all. Knowing for a fact that if i fail my project i fail my entire degree and yet that doesn't seem to motivate me enough to do a damn thing. Worst thing is this sudden change in me came in at the most crucial time where i have to tie up all the loose knots and finish up my project, and now because of the state of mind that i'm currently in i have too many things to do that i just don't want to do. I feel that i really have to get out la you know...i need to find some way to unwind a holiday away from everything at least for awhile to clear my mind and get things off my chest. If i were to describe the state i'm in now i would say that i'm completely surrounded in darkness in a room and i can't see anything but at the same time i feel like i'm being suffocated and daily i'm just choking at god knows what.

Sigh, time....so much to do yet so little time. Going away for a holiday (long holiday) right now isn't gonna solve anything for me cause i think right now its a race against time to complete my shit. Well i don't blame anyone actually, because honestly if you look at it from the beginning it was actually i who brought this unto myself. So if there was anyone to blame it would be me looking in the mirror and fucking myself up. But here is the strange thing, if i were given a chance to go back in time to undo my mistakes i probably couldn't do it. Of course there was that time when my pc died...so obviously i couldn't really do much work then. But after that issue was resolved somehow i just never found that momentum to drive me. Hrm, maybe something is missing...i think its 'vision' something that i lack of. I don't have a goal or i haven't found my purpose in life and right now i am still somewhat comfortable with my situation (which of course is a bad thing). Now the million dollar question is how am i gonna break out of my comfort zone? Why am i resisting to change? I think if i knew the answers to those questions only then i can break free from the strangle hold of my comfort zone and then i'll be able to move on and improve. So right now day after day i will have to swallow the bitter pill and FORCE myself to complete the tasks that i've been set out to do before i fuck my entire life in Uni. After all 'Time and Tide waits for no man'.

Friday, July 08, 2005

What is the world comin to?

Finally i can get into my damn blog...what the hell man i've been trying to login for like a good 3 hours, i think it was either my goddamn ISP (as usual) or the google server was fucked i don't know take a pick. Anyways thought i'd like to highlight yesterdays headlines of went down in London, so there i was in the car sending my dad to work as usual when i heard on the radio that London was awarded to be the host of the 2012 summer olympics so congrats goes to them for a well done marketing job of convincing them IOC peeps. Few hours later in the evening i was drivin to pick my dad up from work as with every other day and there was more news from London, this time it wasn't very pleasing to the ears. As all of you would have known by now London was bombed...well not the whole of London la just like what 3 trains and a bus, which left 50 dead and hundreds more injured. I don't get it suddenly wan, what some other countries that failed to win their bids to host the summer olympics got jealous or something ar? Wassup with this acts of terrorsim la, its damn stupid...You can keep bombing and doing acts of terrorism all you like but that isn't ever gonna change the fact that governments aren't gonna listen to you what.

Few years back (2-3 years ago) i went to New York, and since i was there i thought that i just had to see 'Ground Zero'. It was a very very sad site...the whole place is surrounded by skyscrapers and suddenly smack in the middle of nowhere there is this huge ass space of flat land. Well not really flat la, but empty la...when i was there it wasn't all that bad anymore, everything was cleared up and they were doing some construction down there la. The sad thing about it was they erected this wall surrounding ground zero and it is a pretty long wall if i would say so myself...Although it wasn't like a permanent wall or anything since it was made out of like soft wooden boards (whatever you call them la), but the whole damn thing was filled with signatures and stuff like that in memory of the victims of the 911 attacks. And along that wall you can see some flowers and candles placed there, wah can't get any worst then that jor. Then now this pulak happens...don't this people know 'violence begets violence', 'revenge knows no end'. If they are gonna continue then more and more people are gonna die...more innocent people are gonna die. Ahh...not like they fucking care anyway after all they are terrorists, but its just so stupid la. After all that they do nothing ever changes and everything remains the same so in the end innocent blood is shed over nothing. Just stop and think la before commtting some irresponsible act of destruction...just pisses me off you know.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Need to get away

Oh gawd!!! My 1 week break from Uni is next week and i'm so not in the mood to do work. Worst i have to finish this damn project in 1 month. I am so gonna die, how la to do like this...on top of that i got so much other projects to do which really isn't really helping. I need to get away from civilizations for awhile, dammit who the hell is free to take me somewhere this weekend ar??? Anyone wanna go anywhere...why did box have to go redang today, he should have just fucking wait for me saturday or something i am free to go already. Eh but actually right thinking about it i don't think it'll actually be a very good idea to go redang also anyway. Why leh??? Well simply because i'll bring my notebook and i'll end up doing work or play WoW whichever you prefer la. I mean i hate the sun i'm so damn nocturnal that i believe i'm actually a half vampire man (call me daywalker bitch..mwahahaha). Everytime i see the sun its like i'm gonna fucking melt to death you know, and i'm just so comfortable at night. I do everything at night...well almost everything, you obviously can't do some stuff at night right. But seriously, i really do think i need to get away for a day or something....Yo!!! Anybody wanna go up genting for a day or something...The refreshing cool air would be a welcome change thats for sure.

Insomnia Strikes Again!!!

Dammit this is fucked up its 7.12 in the morning and i have like 10 more minutes before i have to get ready to go for class and i still haven't slept. I was trying to sleep for the last 4 hours but all in vain, argh this is so damn fucking irritating. Every week i just have to pull an all nighter and i'm really getting sick and tired of this shit, i mean its fucking bad enough that uni puts a hell load of mental stress on their students but this is just exerting unnecessary stress to the body. Fucking hell now i feel like skipping class and just try to sleep, if i don't sleep i'm gonna be real tired later on and its gonna affect me driving downtown later in the evening. And i can't exactly sleep after class either cause i made appointments to meet up with some friends later, shit i'm caught in such a dilemma. Well i think i'll definately skip class, well at least one (out of two) anyway...i just can't really decide on which one, lol. Sigh, this really sucks man....how the hell did i end up in this mess, again. And why does this shit have to happen every week, thats it la...i'll just fucking skip the whole day take a flu pill tonight and all drowsy then go to sleep early so i can fucking wake up the next morning...Now that sounds like a better idea, hahaha.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I think i'll procrastinate.

Damn i think i've overworked myself or something yesterday, was so damn fucking tired that the whole of today i decided to put of every single thing...Its as if i just decided that aiyah today lets just name is a procrastination day or something like that. Skipped class again today, and i just stayed in bed till like hrm...now!!!Damn and i didn't even sleep late last night, wtf!!!??? Wah i think i must have been so totally worn out last night. Well anyway i've managed to get my hands on Bone Thugs -N- Harmony - The Greatest Hits just yesterday and its so great listening to one of my favorite rap groups of all time. Thank to Ian for the heads up the album, this is really great stuff. I lazing in my chair blasting the volume and i took a stroll down memory lane, damn this really brings back a lot of good old memories. Time where we didn't care about anything and we would just do whatever we want...the rebelious times, hahahaha. Hey homes!!! you remember what i'm sayin right when we used to walk everywhere and 'bertulang'!!! hahahaha (Oh sorry to the other readers its some personal joke between my best friend and i). To make this album even better i haven't heard it in a very very very long time because i lost all my previous albums. Eh but i didn't really misplace it ok, i wasn't the one that actually lose it...it was a friend of mine, i borrowed the album to him and he misplaced it. But i don't really care about it anymore cause the disc was so scratch that i didn't really want it anymore anyway. Sigh i wish i could go back to those days...hahaha, i even remembered that every morning i would wake up to the sounds of them bone thugs, i'd blast 1st of da month and play a round of grand tourismo before actually heading out of the house. Today it just ain't the same anymore you know, now its like hip-hop and its so commercialized...hahaha i remember a friend of mine telling some girl friends 'We were listening to it before there even was hip-hop, when they still used to call it rap' when they commented that 'we' don't listen to r&b and hip-hop. And now 2pac ain't around anymore too...much respect to 2pac, i always did admire him. I mean he knew he was gonna get shot and all that but he still said what he wanted to knowing that if he said that his enemies would come for him, and the best part when he didn't die he made another track to get back at his enemies...hahaha, that was so cool. Bleh, i think i've gone on and on about must musical preference for far too long...i'll just shut up now and 'layan' this trip down memory lane....Again!!! hahaha.

Monday, July 04, 2005

The new week begins...Again

Ah and so a brand spanking new week starts....with me not going to class, hahahaha. I had the opportunity to meet up with an old school buddy of mine and we managed to catch up on old times as well how our other schoolmates are doing. Its great to hear that many of them are doing well for themselves, for one not only are they holding high paying jobs but at least they still know how to have fun and have a life instead of just work work work. Sigh, when la am i gonna start working and get a high paying job too....hehehehe. *Smacks himself* Oi wake up and graduate first la...lol. But all in all i was thoroughly entertained through out the whole drinking session i had with my old buddy, he was filling my head with his stories of all his sexual accomplishment. You see this buddy of mine happens to be quite the 'player' if you know what i mean, but i never would have imagined him doing the things he told me (erm, no i'm not gonna get into details...hehehe). And everytime i was shocked by his sexual escapades i would stop him to politely and point out that its like i'm watching some kind of porno movie, hahahaha...and it was truly hilarious mind you. So right, my question is gonna be how many of you would actually share your sexual experiences with friends and stuff, and i'm talking about leaving the story intact you know...as in every single juicy detail. hahaha.

Anyway for those of you who are wondering whether i'm still down or anything like that, well no worries i was ok by yesterday afternoon. Miraculously cure with a few hours of WoW, can you believe that. Actually right it was because i experienced my first kill and i went on and on killing and killing, eh i wasn't bullying noobs ok i'm not a low lifer wan ttl. But seriously wah i can't even begin to tell you how it felt when i got my first kill. My hands were trembling with all the adrenalin pumping and i was smiling from ear to ear i tell you. Its just like deflowering a virgin i guess, hahahahaha. But of course i also got die la, but then hor that wan different cause they were higher level people and they don't get anything from killing me wan they're just bullying la. I can't take all the credit for myself also la, i have to thank kai for like 3 of the kills because he was the bait for 2 of the kills. Hahahaha, it was funny as hell see him running away from a higher level guy which was busy nuking his ass to the afterlife...But little did he know that he had a friend 'Me' and i came in to shatter his miserable dreams of getting a honor kill. Oh damn i think i've dragged this WoW thing for too long, you guys probably won't understand...sorry my bad, but then i just couldn't help it la you know i have to brag somewhere what right, hehehe. Ooh Damn all this talking about WoW has got me all fired up!!! Hrm, well i guess i can spare sometime to go and kill more....Lol.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

An overall depressing week.

Sometimes i wonder whether i really have people around me that i can truly call friends. This week has been a very frustrating and depressing week, and i'm not enjoying it one bit. Sometime last year i was out with my good friend Natalie in Starbucks having a drink. I recall saying to her that i want to leave this country (Malaysia) because i feel that this country no longer has anything to offer me. All it ever gave me was alot of hardship and sorrow...oh yeah and a hell lot of heartbreaks too (Ok la got good memories also la). And to this day i still feel the same way, as a matter of fact that feeling has grown even stronger now after the events of this week. And you know what i'm pretty sure that if i do leave the only thing i'll miss would be the food and the mamaks which is slowly but surely disappearing anyway. Its kinda strange how life just takes a sudden turn and fucks up everything you know, i'm not angry with anyone nor should i be. But rather i'm actually disappointed in myself, i always believed that 'life is what you make it out to be' and 'you only get hurt if you allow yourself to get hurt'. So yeah i am hurt, but i shouldn't really blame anyone but myself. Because i was stupid enough to fall into such a trap in the first place. I simply allowed myself to fall victim from the actions of others when i should have seen it coming. I went out of character and therefore i got hurt, i have always been very proud of my gift for foresight and the ability to analyze almost all posibilities that might occur. Strangely those that manage to slip pass me are always the ones thats gonna hurt me. I have always tried to please everyone but there is only so much i can do, having said that i guess eventually whatever i do will not be enough. I'm just wondering whether deep down inside after all i have done, did i ever expect anything in return? I remember that i never did like to be calculative and neither did i ever expect any returns in anyway. I guess what my sister said had a whole lot of truth in it and i'm now paying the price for not listening to her...The higher your friends are in a hierarchy the more its gonna hurt when they let you down. Or maybe i knew all along that what she said made sense, but instead i was just living in denial and refused to listen. Oh well, i'll bounce back when the week starts again...hehehe.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Rude requests just ticks me off.

Well it turned out that i really couldn't wake up for class, and to make things worst my time just got fucked...again!!! sigh, this never ending fucking my time and fixing my fucking time is pissing the hell out of me. I should really be more disciplined and learn to just sleep early even on the weekends, else i'll be doing and all nighter every single week at least once. Which of course isn't exactly very healthy. You know i've actually been sleeping in the early mornings and waking up in the late afternoon or evenings since i was about 15 or 16, and in those days going on without sleep for 3 days wasn't really a problem so not sleeping for a day was like a piece of cake. Well looks like age finally caught up with me and due to the abuse of my body when i was younger is taking its toll on me. Now i can't even go by without sleep, well not really can't la but it just happens to be a very torturing affair if i tried. So take it from me, don't even try to abuse your body with shit like that...you'll end up regretting like me.

Anyways i got so totally pissed off today at some bunch of people, i mean i know la that i would hardly say 'no'. But who the fuck do you take me for, you like means you call and expect me to do whatever it is you want me to ar? If i did then i'd be dead sooner then you can call me man. I think by nature i always try to please everyone thats why i hardly say no, but that doesn't mean that i won't. I'm also very timid and would always try to avoid a fight if i could, but i do have a temper and i won't hesitate to bark/bite back at you if you push me too far. Since i didn't go to class i wasted most of my day sleeping and i even forgot to do some chores that my dad so kindly asked me to do. But when i woke up i didn't have the car (dad took it) and no one was around to bring me out for dinner, so there i was sitting on my comp just waiting and starving my ass off. Leo and Shirley were kind enough to accompany me when i finally got my car to go for dinner and Kai also dropped by when he got off work. So there we were eating and chit chatting when all of a sudden i got a SMS telling me that i didn't give someone face for not attending some kind of event, initially i thought it was sent to the wrong person so i replied to point that out. Well it turned out that it wasn't sent to the wrong person and then later another friend SMSed me to TELL me to get MY ASS to whatever fucking place that is cause 2 morons couldn't finish a bottle of whiskey. So just because they couldn't finish it they decided hey lets call Eugene and another guy to come over and help us finish this, and maybe since we're so bored cause we're the only guys here maybe they would help come by and entertain us. I was even scolded for refusing to go, WTF!!!

Firstly if there was such an event and you had honest intentions to include us in the first place we would have known about it much earlier and we would have been able to plan for it. Unfortunately i didn't know jack shit about it and therefore made plans with other people, and you expect me to drop everything just to help you idiots finish a bottle that you couldn't finish? Hello who the fuck do you take me for??? You even dare to say something like 'The entrance is free and i already bought a bottle' Yeah i know that you know that i am always broke no money to go club and what not, but don't you know what you say is very insulting??? I don't have the luxury of spending so much money without the consequences of having to starve for the rest of the month. You can fucking bitch that you worked hard for your money and spend it like a bitch but don't you fucking come and whine to me about having not to pay a single cent to have fun. What you think i damn shiok to free load off people wan ar? Yes i'll admit that it is nice to have someone spend you once in awhile, but you think i got no consciene like some of you heartless motherfuckers ar!!! Well fuck you!!! The mistake of not informing me sooner was the first wrong move, and after telling me off that completely ended every chance of me even dropping by. So what if its some new places 'Grand Opening' does it look like i give a fuck!!!??? Well obviously not right!!! The more you're gonna force something down my throat the more i'm not gonna want it...I believe that my day was well spent just having a few drinks with some other friends. Even though i rarely say 'no' the next time you want something from me please use your brain and think before asking. Because to be honest i couldn't give two fucks who you are regardless friend or not, pussy or otherwise but being plain fucking rude will just earn you that.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Petrol went up again!!???

I was really surprised last night on the way back from Ampang to see that the petrol stations in various places were packed...hell there were so many cars queing up for the turn on the pump that any more cars turning to pump petrol is gonna cause a traffic jam. So Kai and I were wondering whats up with all the people trying to get to the gas station la, and after seeing that almost all the petrol stations in PJ were full we came to a conclusion that petrol prices were gonna go up....Again!!! You know its really strange that people always flock to to get their cars filled with petrol everytime they hear that the prices of petrol is gonna increase. I honestly don't get it, so what if you got pump your cars tank to full when its just gonna last like what...3 days? So how much you gonna save, its still gonna be the same thing in the end you're still gonna have to pump petrol into your car with the new price eventually so whats the big deal about having your car full for the next day or so? So i was curious as to how much did the price go up anyway since it just went up by a whooping 20 cents not too many months ago, and since i don't actually have newspapers in the house i thought i'd just go visit www.thestar.com.my to see if there was any news regarding the matter. Well surprise surprise apparently it wasn't confirmed that the prices of petrol went up and apparently it was just a rumour that it was mostly spread around through SMS that got the public into a mad frenzy to rush to the nearest petrol kiosk to fill up. Although if you asked me i think that the price will indeed go up, if not now it will eventually.

Last night proved to be a very interesting and fun walk down memory lane as the intake of DF0181 met up to say farewell to the Indonesian students that are leaving like in an hours time from now. TC once again managed to prove that he is indeed the joker of the class by inciting laughter throughout the night. Unfortunately not many of the class was present due to other commitments or other circumstances. TC happened to be the one in charge of organizing the gathering and i was constantly bitching at him for making me drive a good 45 minutes to reach the intended meeting area. Furthermore i was late and he kept constantly calling me to ask 'Eh where are you ar!!???' I thought that i was sooooo late that i just hit the gas pedal and zoomed my way all the way from home to Sri Petaling which like i said is roughly 45 minutes away. When i got there the Indonesians weren't even there yet, i'm pretty sure he got some pretty screaming...hahahaha. But mostly i was bitching because of the distance i had to drive when most of them only needed to make like a 5 to 10 minutes drive. I was like WTF!!??? everyone stayed so near and stayed so damn fucking far and you made me drive right!!??? Can't you make it somewhere in the middle that at least that would be fair to everyone, you stupid motherfucker you wanna pay for my petrol ar??? Some more make me rush here i was on high rev all the way here ok...you know how much petrol i used just to get here because of that ar!!!??? Hahahaha, it was actually just all in good fun after all those years of not meeting. But once everything settled down we had a pretty good time laughing with the constant poking of fun between one another. After we retired from our extended drinking session we went to have a few rounds of snooker, and after 2 frames i was dead tired, lucky i won the first frame mwahahaha...hrm pretty fun night it had been. I hope that one day they will come and visit and we could do this again.