An overall depressing week.

Sometimes i wonder whether i really have people around me that i can truly call friends. This week has been a very frustrating and depressing week, and i'm not enjoying it one bit. Sometime last year i was out with my good friend Natalie in Starbucks having a drink. I recall saying to her that i want to leave this country (Malaysia) because i feel that this country no longer has anything to offer me. All it ever gave me was alot of hardship and sorrow...oh yeah and a hell lot of heartbreaks too (Ok la got good memories also la). And to this day i still feel the same way, as a matter of fact that feeling has grown even stronger now after the events of this week. And you know what i'm pretty sure that if i do leave the only thing i'll miss would be the food and the mamaks which is slowly but surely disappearing anyway. Its kinda strange how life just takes a sudden turn and fucks up everything you know, i'm not angry with anyone nor should i be. But rather i'm actually disappointed in myself, i always believed that 'life is what you make it out to be' and 'you only get hurt if you allow yourself to get hurt'. So yeah i am hurt, but i shouldn't really blame anyone but myself. Because i was stupid enough to fall into such a trap in the first place. I simply allowed myself to fall victim from the actions of others when i should have seen it coming. I went out of character and therefore i got hurt, i have always been very proud of my gift for foresight and the ability to analyze almost all posibilities that might occur. Strangely those that manage to slip pass me are always the ones thats gonna hurt me. I have always tried to please everyone but there is only so much i can do, having said that i guess eventually whatever i do will not be enough. I'm just wondering whether deep down inside after all i have done, did i ever expect anything in return? I remember that i never did like to be calculative and neither did i ever expect any returns in anyway. I guess what my sister said had a whole lot of truth in it and i'm now paying the price for not listening to her...The higher your friends are in a hierarchy the more its gonna hurt when they let you down. Or maybe i knew all along that what she said made sense, but instead i was just living in denial and refused to listen. Oh well, i'll bounce back when the week starts again...hehehe.